Chaos, Code, Success

I, What I am!

I started off as a good human being, I suppose. The common saying suggests that there is never only black & white, but that line of grey the world works on. As a naïve being, I used to think, no, I will not take the path of grey in life. Came to me the gift of logic, logic for coding, and life took me up to a level where one & zero (1,0) took up the entirety of my time.

The code doesn’t lie, it doesn’t cheat, it doesn’t manipulate. Revisiting the last statement, the code doesn’t do all those things to its coder. Though the code can do all those things for its coder, and that’s the definition of truth.

I started off as a “normal” human being, I suppose. Climbing up the ladder & checking multiple checkboxes at ones, I reached a place where only return() seemed like a sane option. I returned.

Being vested in something to an extent that you deprive yourself of the worldly charms, to just live your life, without collecting memorabilia might one day disprove your entire life & discredit your story.

Not following the herd, makes me not-normal, as iterated and suggested by the herd. “Common” human psyche suggests that everyone wants better in life, everyone wants to feel special & to get out of this common herd. The same people who vindicate me for being “not normal”, want to be not normal and stand out of the herd. A platitude, a cliché or what else might I call it.

The day has come when the value of one’s word solely depends on the things they have from the time in question. We, the people have started an era where there is no value at all for a bond between two people. All that matters is what can you prove. Crediting & discrediting comes based on the corroboration of your story.

Chaos. Life, Success…

I have always subjugated a theory. I shall call it the “theory of Chaos” (Not the CHAOS theory). I stand at a viewpoint, a moral high ground so that I can assert right from wrong. All my loved ones, should feel loved & ‘cared’ for, doesn’t give me a GOD complex, but provides me with the ultimate satisfaction of being able to give & take some happiness in the misery of day to day life.

Dictating wishes, while cosying up on your bed is way too easy, then going out in the world & making them come true.

Here, chaos occurs, when you get things done by just opening your mouth, the person who does all the work, will one day get slow at completing these tasks. Overlapping desires & time crunch will lead to this chaos, why? Out of 100 said things, if only one (1) doesn’t get fulfilled, you will, in turn, be labelled as a bad human being! Desires take that huge a role, that you get lost in this chaos.

A just cause for someone, a knife walk for me.

It gets worse. When you start to think, “I am needed”, life slaps you in the face and says “No, you are not”, why? Because people are replaced with more people & tasks are delegated. It doesn’t matter or makes a difference, who does it.

Success, a word for some, a day to day milestone for others. I have answered this one before. What is ‘success’? For some, it is that ultimate milestone that makes the world go shiny. The place where life takes the perfect shape they wanted.

But, isn’t success meant to be directly proportional to happiness? Not necessarily! In today’s world. If you are able to make each day that goes by, worth living, if you had a smile on your face or you were made to feel special, it’s ‘success’. At least I believe so!

When you waste or rather screw each day over and over and over for an infinite period of time, you don’t know the meaning of success. When you delay, or start to schedule happiness based on factors and time that is yet to come, you are delaying your success. Happiness can never be scheduled. It can be felt, “NOW”!

The Endgame…

The day you start to feel small, smaller than the world around you, it’s time to stop and rethink your life choices. Having a fair idea of your place in the world, rather achieving that state of self-actualization is a necessity for a happy today and a bright tomorrow. Something to Ponder on…

Me, The Antagonizing alien

We, the ones that carry empathy, love & kindness are often the ones carrying hate, rage & anger. It’s the mere habit to encapsulate things that fall into place & the things that fall out of it. Cushioning every thought that comes to your mind makes you a better human being, yet it becomes imperative that you make “others” understand the true meaning of the words you speak.

Speech is a powerful tool. It proves vital in both “construction & destruction” depending on the way you channel your words. Every person has this inner circle that they depend on, be comfortable with, can talk to, live with any time. If for some reason that inner circle starts to fall apart, who would you choose to blame? You might question and think, “is it me? am I changing? am I doing something wrong? Why the people who used to understand me, without me uttering a single word? now fail to understand my cry for help & my plea for support“.

Someone once told me “It’s not the other person” “Try to take your ego out of the equation & you will understand, it’s not the world against you, but you against yourself”.

What if, some fine day you wake up to realize that you drove away everyone who cared for you? What if, you finally understand that no matter what, how much, how significant part you play in the lives of your loved ones, you have to “not expect” anything. The idea that you will be treated the same way that you treat others, the idea that you will be loved, supported or cared about the way that you do, is moot, as it lacks sanity.

It was you, who decided to support someone, to be the strong point. Why would you expect the other one to do the same? The choice isn’t yours!

I woke up this morning to realize that it’s not what you do that matters, its what you fail to do that matters. Turned meanings, blank faces, ugly words, that’s not ill fate, that’s the end result of you commemorating yourself. In this very world, communication fails because “we listen, not to understand, but to reply”.

Asylum from the UnSound

Engrossed by thoughts, a constant feeling of unworthiness propagating pain to my soul, thus jolting me back to reality. It’s like I am running around chasing a dream, a dream that has led to me a state of constant dispersal.

It all started as a sublime thought, but how & when It all turned & took me to a place, a place of no return is still an inquest to me. A future set on the wrong foundation could be the prime mover, but is that all? Does that satisfy the embarkation of my senses?

That infernal feeling of spending every day as a day in purgatory, as the whole barbed & tormented taction of life gets too much to take, I crawl to find that single moment of serenity.

I thrive to get, yet fail, not giving up, as helplessness is not my cup of tea. I strive & cast myself to ensure that I get up to face entirety again. Why? Why did I start in the first place? Why did I not get that one shelter from this unjust world? Why don’t I ? have that asylum from the unsound?

Speak, but justify !

Speech is a powerful tool. It can create virtues & It can dissolve dynasties. What we speak, is what we are! Everybody & every one of has been through situations where we observe people speaking ruthlessly, completely lacking compassion or even a shred of decency.

When we speak, we tell the other individual, what exactly are we made of. What precisely has been our brought up like. One could speak & have a calming effect on others or one could adversely affect the lives of people around them, making their lives miserable.

It’s a known saying, Words can’t be taken back, even if some actions could be undone. When you speak, make sure to choose your words carefully. We must make sure & justify it to ourselves, not to others, that we speak only to bind & not to destroy. Our speech has consequences.

Obtuse words can be destructive. It cannot only create misery for you, but for the people around you. Think, comprehend what you are saying & saying about whom? Few people make it a habit to speak just to prove a point & settle their dominance on others. They forget, their narcissistic behavior is well read by some, if not by all.

Keep in mind, People who care about you might close their eyes to narcissism, but everyone has a threshold & mostly everybody has dignity.

Don’t challenge a person to the brink of sanity, they might just retaliate in self-preservation & you might find yourself alone & abandoned.

Only, If I could!

If I could change one little thing, what would that be? Would it be something that might affect the lives of many ? or will it be a change that concerns me?

Many a time in life, we look back & repent things we had done in the past. We think we contemplate, our every move in the past or every word we might have said to some other person. We make note of things that worked in our favor and the things that didn’t. We try and apply the lessons learned to make sure that we don’t repeat the same kind of mistakes again.

But, do we ? & do we really get the desired result? Probably! probably not. It’s not about what we can gather from life as an experience, or how many lessons we learn. It’s also not about moving on or saying “no worries, it’s a part of life”.

What it’s about is the one thing that never changes, you. We never change, the core energy driving us will never change. I am not a non-believer. But, more of a realistic kind of a guy. I started off talking about what would I change? My imperfection is what I like, I would rather keep my laziness, I will also keep my attitude towards life. I might even keep the things I did or the path I took in life. & I shall never change the ups and downs of my life.

Though, I would definitely change a few people I met along the way. The kind of people who changed my life to a reverse stream. The people who I admire & who admire me. The people who in turn shall leave me thinking, if it was all worth it.

To sum it up, I will change a human not being born, Me.