..the end of story…

A subject to question, a will to be lost,
the animation of life, ceased by the frost,

A well to dig, a cliff to climb,
every step getting harder, the soul doesn’t rhyme,,

I hath oh had the will to carry,
It all made sense, not now, I just worry,

Rene, seeketh, all chaff, no glory,
all just seethe, it’s end of story….

Alone to Acquit all

Every sense of sanity lost among the vanities of these worldly affairs. The wonders of joy not lasting, though the subject itself is trivial, the coordination of mind and heart shall trespass the certain code. Starting of the line, made a mark, the downfall though faded it away. I mended it from pieces to former glory, only to stop just a step away from it all.

The holders of faith, disinterested, condemning me, making me sigh on my own fate. The gratification I gathered, step-by-step, leading me to the line, where matter doesn’t matter and fate has no volume. Glancing back and realizing the mistakes, the sins of my vanity, I subject myself to oblivion. No absolution, no shelter, every step on the burning sand, alone. Alone in a world where once each corner had an open arm, an open door, a smile of oneness.

Back in time, though not that back, I lost track of how it’s all played, I walked all to shelter, not to condemn, I talked all to sooth and to abate, abate the pain, the soreness and misery. If deeds mattered, if subjects change, I would still be the same. But the tables turned, fate used as prey, I get a death sentence and rest all got away.

Though the mistakes made it worse, I never knew all I deserved was curse. A constant downfall is not what I sowed, I sure am reaping it from inside a metal road. Nobody for calmness and all to flames, just to claim and to blame.

Left alone for vultures to rip apart, the silent screams of the haunting self, shredding. Dissolving with the constant persecution of thy self, my reality molded and re-told. Retold to be presented and reckoned as deception. Dejected and rejected, I gasp to breath, cowling for composure, chanting for Justice. I rest with a choice, to walk it all alone, alone to acquit all, all from the heat, the misery and oppression.

The End of Line

A state of thoughtfulness, indulging parity between peers, a constant regression that led me to where sense loses you. Arguing to stay intact, to overcome the diaspora of oneself, makes it all a gloom filled and saturated mask of life, the mask that will never have what’s needed to overcome the constant feeling of despondency. I walk feeling righteous, yet narcissism flowing through my veins. Yes, I feel narcissistic, why? When you catechize your own self, you get to realize your reality that sometimes might not often be visible.

Thousand moments of happiness and a few of despair, thousand things to love and a few not to care. A rigorous and constant abrasion of life, grinding my thoughts and again making me stand where I never wished I be, I am.

The heaviness of the mistakes, the regret of uncompliant moments, unbecoming of my own self, bewitching once, ugly now, me and my reality both lay on the ground, to be judged and to be ripped apart and thrown away. From a cherished one to an abomination, I became a devil in disguise. A wolf in sheep’s clothing, a sanction from hell, I burn where none would heal, I churn where none would yield.

I walk to justify the unforgiving, I walk towards the summation of my life. Cannot find the start of the line, yet cannot contemplate the end, I walk. I walk to let go of everything and to stop any more of the starts. I walk towards the stop that’s full and leads nowhere.

Chaos, Code, Success

I, What I am!

I started off as a good human being, I suppose. Common saying suggests that there is never only black & white, there is that line of grey the world works on. A naïve being, I used to think, no, I will not take the path of grey in life. Came to me the gift of logic, logic for coding, life took me up to a level where ones & zero (1,0) took up the entirety of my time.

The code doesn’t lie, it doesn’t cheat, it doesn’t manipulate, revisiting the last statement, the code doesn’t do all those things to its coder. The code can do all those things for its coder though, that’s the definition of truth.

I started off as a normal human being, I suppose. Climbing up the ladder & checking multiple checkboxes at ones, to reach a place where only return() seemed like a sane option. I returned.

Vested in something to an extent that you deprive yourself of the worldly charms, to just live through your life, without collecting memorabilia might one day disprove your entire life & discredit your story.

Not following the herd, makes me not-normal, as iterated by the herd. Common human psyche suggests that everyone wants better in life, everyone’s wants to feel special & out of this common herd. The same people vindicate me of being not-normal, want to be not-normal. A platitude, a cliché or what else might I call it.

The day has come when, the value for one’s word solely depends on the things from the time in question. We, the people have started an era where there is no value at all for a bond between two people. All that matters are what can you prove. Crediting & discrediting comes based your corroboration of your story.

Chaos. Life, Success…

I always subjugate a theory, I shall call, the theory of Chaos (Not the CHAOS theory). I stand at a viewpoint, a moral high ground so that I can assort right from wrong. All my loved ones, should feel loved & cared for, doesn’t give me a GOD complex, it provided me with an ultimate satisfaction of being able to give & take some happiness in the misery of day to day life.

Dictating wishes, while cosying up on your bed is way too easy, then going out in the world & making them come true.

Here, chaos occurs, when you get things done by just saying them, the person doing all the work, will one day get slow at completing them, overlapping desires & time crunch will lead to this chaos, why? Out of 100 said things, if only one (1) doesn’t get fulfilled, you are a bad human being! Desires take that huge a role, that you get lost into this chaos.

A just cause for someone, a knife walk for me.

It gets worse. When you start to think, “I am needed”, life slaps you in your face saying “No, you are not”, why? Because, people are replaced with more people & tasks are delegated. It doesn’t matter or makes a difference, who does it.

Success, a word for some, a day to day milestone for others. I have answered this one before. What is success? For some, it is that ultimate milestone that makes the world go shiny. The place where life takes the perfect shape they wanted.

But, isn’t success meant to be directly proportional with happiness? Not necessarily in today’s world. If you are able to make each day that goes by, worth living, if you had a smile on your face or you were made to feel special, it’s success. At least I hope so!

When you waste or rather screw each day over and over and over for an infinite period of time, you don’t know the meaning of success. When you delay, or start to schedule happiness based on factors and time that is yet to come, you are delaying your success. Happiness can never be scheduled. It can be felt NOW.

The End game…

The day you start to feel small, smaller than the world around you, it’s time to stop and rethink your life choices. Having a fair idea of your place in the world, rather achieving that state of self-actualization is a necessity for a happy today and a bright tomorrow. Something to Ponder on…

Me, The Antagonizing alien

We, the ones that carry empathy, love & kindness are often the ones carrying hate, rage & anger. It’s the mere habit to encapsulate things that fall into place & the things that fall out of it. Cushioning every thought that comes to your mind makes you a better human being, yet it becomes imperative that you make “others” understand the true meaning of the words you speak.

Speech is a powerful tool. It proves vital in both construction & destruction depending on the way you channel your words. Now, every person has this inner circle that they depend on, be comfortable with, can talk to, live with anytime. If for some reason that inner circle starts to fall apart, who would you think to blame? You might think, “is it me? am i changing? am i doing something wrong? Why the people who used to understand me, without me uttering a single word? now fail to understand my cry for help & my plea for support“.

Someone once told me “It’s not the other person” “Try to take your ego out of the equation & you will understand, it’s not the world against you, but you against yourself”.

What if, some fine day you wake up to realize that you drove away everyone who cared about you? What if, you finally understand that no matter what, how much, how significant part you play in the lives of your loved ones, you have to “not expect” anything. The idea that you will be treated the same way that you treat others, the idea that you will be loved, supported or cared about the way that you do, is moot as it lacks sanity.

It was you, who decided to support someone, to be the strong point. Why would you expect the other one to do the same? The choice isn’t yours!

I woke up this morning to realize that its not what you do, its what you fail to do that matters. Turned meanings, blank faces, ugly words, that’s not ill fate, that’s the end result of you commemorating yourself. In this very world, communication fails because “we listen, not to understand, but to reply”.