The End of Line

A state of thoughtfulness, indulging parity between peers, a constant regression that led me to where sense loses you. Arguing to stay intact, to overcome the diaspora of oneself, makes it all a gloom filled and saturated mask of life, the mask that will never have what’s needed to overcome the constant feeling of despondency. I walk feeling righteous, yet narcissism flowing through my veins. Yes, I feel narcissistic, why? When you catechize your own self, you get to realize your reality that sometimes might not often be visible.

Thousand moments of happiness and a few of despair, thousand things to love and a few not to care. A rigorous and constant abrasion of life, grinding my thoughts and again making me stand where I never wished I be, I am.

The heaviness of the mistakes, the regret of uncompliant moments, unbecoming of my own self, bewitching once, ugly now, me and my reality both lay on the ground, to be judged and to be ripped apart and thrown away. From a cherished one to an abomination, I became a devil in disguise. A wolf in sheep’s clothing, a sanction from hell, I burn where none would heal, I churn where none would yield.

I walk to justify the unforgiving, I walk towards the summation of my life. Cannot find the start of the line, yet cannot contemplate the end, I walk. I walk to let go of everything and to stop any more of the starts. I walk towards the stop that’s full and leads nowhere.

Chaos, Code, Success

I, What I am!

I started off as a good human being, I suppose. Common saying suggests that there is never only black & white, there is that line of grey the world works on. A naïve being, I used to think, no, I will not take the path of grey in life. Came to me the gift of logic, logic for coding, life took me up to a level where ones & zero (1,0) took up the entirety of my time.

The code doesn’t lie, it doesn’t cheat, it doesn’t manipulate, revisiting the last statement, the code doesn’t do all those things to its coder. The code can do all those things for its coder though, that’s the definition of truth.

I started off as a normal human being, I suppose. Climbing up the ladder & checking multiple checkboxes at ones, to reach a place where only return() seemed like a sane option. I returned.

Vested in something to an extent that you deprive yourself of the worldly charms, to just live your life, without collecting memorabilia might one day disprove your entire life & discredit your story.

Not following the herd, makes me not-normal, as iterated by the herd. Common human psyche suggests that everyone wants better in life, everyone’s wants to feel special & out of this common herd. The same people vindicate me for being not-normal, want to be not-normal. A platitude, a cliché or what else might I call it.

The day has come when the value of one’s word solely depends on the things from the time in question. We, the people have started an era where there is no value at all for a bond between two people. All that matters are what can you prove. Crediting & discrediting comes based the corroboration of your story.

Chaos. Life, Success…

I always subjugate a theory, I shall call, the theory of Chaos (Not the CHAOS theory). I stand at a viewpoint, a moral high ground so that I can assert right from wrong. All my loved ones, should feel loved & ‘cared’ for, doesn’t give me a GOD complex, it provided me with an ultimate satisfaction of being able to give & take some happiness in the misery of day to day life.

Dictating wishes, while cozying up on your bed is way too easy, then going out in the world & making them come true.

Here, chaos occurs, when you get things done by just saying them, the person doing all the work, will one day get slow at completing them, overlapping desires & time crunch will lead to this chaos, why? Out of 100 said things, if only one (1) doesn’t get fulfilled, you are a bad human being! Desires take that huge a role, that you get lost in this chaos.

A just cause for someone, a knife walk for me.

It gets worse. When you start to think, “I am needed”, life slaps you in your face saying “No, you are not”, why? Because people are replaced with more people & tasks are delegated. It doesn’t matter or makes a difference, who does it.

Success, a word for some, a day to day milestone for others. I have answered this one before. What is the success? For some, it is that ultimate milestone that makes the world go shiny. The place where life takes the perfect shape they wanted.

But, isn’t success meant to be directly proportional to happiness? Not necessarily in today’s world. If you are able to make each day that goes by, worth living, if you had a smile on your face or you were made to feel special, it’s success. At least I hope so!

When you waste or rather screw each day over and over and over for an infinite period of time, you don’t know the meaning of success. When you delay, or start to schedule happiness based on factors and time that is yet to come, you are delaying your success. Happiness can never be scheduled. It can be felt NOW.

The Endgame…

The day you start to feel small, smaller than the world around you, it’s time to stop and rethink your life choices. Having a fair idea of your place in the world, rather achieving that state of self-actualization is a necessity for a happy today and a bright tomorrow. Something to Ponder on…

Me, The Antagonizing alien

We, the ones that carry empathy, love & kindness are often the ones carrying hate, rage & anger. It’s the mere habit to encapsulate things that fall into place & the things that fall out of it. Cushioning every thought that comes to your mind makes you a better human being, yet it becomes imperative that you make “others” understand the true meaning of the words you speak.

Speech is a powerful tool. It proves vital in both construction & destruction depending on the way you channel your words. Now, every person has this inner circle that they depend on, be comfortable with, can talk to, live with anytime. If for some reason that inner circle starts to fall apart, who would you think to blame? You might think, “is it me? am I changing? am I doing something wrong? Why the people who used to understand me, without me uttering a single word? now fail to understand my cry for help & my plea for support“.

Someone once told me “It’s not the other person” “Try to take your ego out of the equation & you will understand, it’s not the world against you, but you against yourself”.

What if, some fine day you wake up to realize that you drove away everyone who cared about you? What if, you finally understand that no matter what, how much, how significant part you play in the lives of your loved ones, you have to “not expect” anything. The idea that you will be treated the same way that you treat others, the idea that you will be loved, supported or cared about the way that you do, is moot as it lacks sanity.

It was you, who decided to support someone, to be the strong point. Why would you expect the other one to do the same? The choice isn’t yours!

I woke up this morning to realize that it’s not what you do, its what you fail to do that matters. Turned meanings, blank faces, ugly words, that’s not ill fate, that’s the end result of you commemorating yourself. In this very world, communication fails because “we listen, not to understand, but to reply”.

Asylum from the UnSound

Engrossed by thoughts, a constant feeling of unworthiness propagating pain to my soul, thus jolting me back to reality. It’s like I am running around chasing a dream, a dream that has led to me a state of constant dispersal.

It all started as a sublime thought, but how & when It all turned & took me to a place, a place of no return is still an inquest to me. A future set on the wrong foundation could be the prime mover, but is that all? Does that satisfy the embarkation of my senses?

That infernal feeling of spending every day as a day in purgatory, as the whole barbed & tormented taction of life gets too much to take, I crawl to find that single moment of serenity.

I thrive to get, yet fail, not giving up, as helplessness is not my cup of tea. I strive & cast myself to ensure that I get up to face entirety again. Why? Why did I start in the first place? Why did I not get that one shelter from this unjust world? Why don’t I ? have that asylum from the unsound?

Speak, but justify !

Speech is a powerful tool. It can create virtues & It can dissolve dynasties. What we speak, is what we are! Everybody & every one of has been through situations where we observe people speaking ruthlessly, completely lacking compassion or even a shred of decency.

When we speak, we tell the other individual, what exactly are we made of. What precisely has been our brought up like. One could speak & have a calming effect on others or one could adversely affect the lives of people around them, making their lives miserable.

It’s a known saying, Words can’t be taken back, even if some actions could be undone. When you speak, make sure to choose your words carefully. We must make sure & justify it to ourselves, not to others, that we speak only to bind & not to destroy. Our speech has consequences.

Obtuse words can be destructive. It cannot only create misery for you, but for the people around you. Think, comprehend what you are saying & saying about whom? Few people make it a habit to speak just to prove a point & settle their dominance on others. They forget, their narcissistic behavior is well read by some, if not by all.

Keep in mind, People who care about you might close their eyes to narcissism, but everyone has a threshold & mostly everybody has dignity.

Don’t challenge a person to the brink of sanity, they might just retaliate in self-preservation & you might find yourself alone & abandoned.