Breaking free !!!

Breaking free, from the stigmatic society, from the shackles of life, from the unwanted intrusions and the woes of sigh.

 

The stagnancy of cause and the just life without another clause.

Cannot bear the burden of self, how do I return and make it swell.

 

Continuing down the path of sorrow,

It’s justguilt, it’s just pain and no room for tomorrow.

 

I have had enough, hearing all the sounds,

sounds of morrow and sounds of the great fowl.

 

Recording myself for today and tomorrow,

No I give up, I rest full of sorrows…

 

I quit, I lose, I don’t regain, I don’t have it in me to make out of this pain.

I haven’t had a day of glory, yes, oh yes, it’s finally end of story…

 

— Shantanu Kaushik

Dessolving Sanctity

Life is not about standing out, it should be, but it’s not. It’s about following a goat path and doing what millions of people do.

The ones that stand out, the misfits, are the ones who are tagged as insane. Lunatics, moon struck and what not. These being are far from what they are perceived as.

Life strikes in ways unexplained and unexpected. You choose a path to walk upon. A path ethical, righteous and the one that causes no pain to anyone. You take life as it comes and make something of it for you.

The extremities of life are not defined when you are living the everyday life. The stigmas appear whilst you go through phases of deterioration and diagramed enigma.

You lose yourself and you work as hard as possible to make it better for everyone. The ones you love, cherish and care about, are the ones you churn your mind the most for.

The sanctity is defined in your mind, the brain works and notifies you every step of the way, on what is to come and what are you doing.

But what if every derivation of your life, every step, every single day, minute and second of your life just halts on an audit, a summation and a judgement by an extremist jury?

What if your whole life is defined by segments and packets of “unconditional fortitude”, that the other beings don’t even comprehend?

A story not authenticated, isn’t true! Is that it?

The unconditional unraveling of your own being, to cherish and cuddle a life not your own, may sometimes poison and rot the whole system that your own life is based on.

Challenging the sanctity of your being, to the level that every bit of your being seems to evaporate and dissolve with a sting that never subsides.

The ones I engraved, the ones I taught, are the ones telling me “how” and are selling what I sought” 

Unwinding, untangling the lives that came to you as strangers, you adapted, you adopted and you cared for, are the ones pointing fingers and peddling your stream to the point where even mirrors reflect lunacy.

Sanity dictates that your drift away from the ones who perceive your humbleness, your care and your understanding for your weakness, but the heart dictates another story.

How long, how well, the insanity might dictate a sane mind, to keep on churning itself to be objective is a thought that dissolves the sanctity of your being.

Stigmatized Yet Alive

Life, when segregated has compartments that are either empty or full, maybe some of them still have some space, but mostly they are either empty or full.

The question is how and why? Compartmentalization is something not everyone can achieve. But it is a feat if achieved can lead to a happy and peaceful lifestyle.

Today, at the brink of subjecting myself to the rath of eternity, I ask, where did I go wrong? What did I do to deserve this? What was that point of no return that I passed without even noticing the warnings for my own Doomsday.

Life is like a thought, sometimes it moves so fast that it passes like one and sometimes it lingers like the other. The constant regression of one’s self will certainly lead to a state of nothing.

The panoramic outlook of life lived and the static chatter of the wrong-doing is all that remains before you to either sort or let go.

But how to do that. When a constant reminder of how wrong you have been and how unprodutive you have lived your life, is right there before you, it’s hard to let go and restart.

When wrong, bad, illogical, unjust and liar are the titles that match your being. It’s high time to rethink and illustrate what you are.

When on the verge of wiping what you believe in, rethink and reimagine, did you think of a life like this? Did you think of the stigma that might present itself on every turn and signal?

Would you want to live a life like this? A life that presents itself as walking on fire and walking towards a life where you grasp for every breath and you cry for every bit. A life where you are stigmatized yet alive.

Memoir of a Lost Cause!

The life we live and the life that comes to us, is entirely different, in case even a single step is misdefined. No matter how much you defy or delay it, the inevitable catches up. This inevitability is something that makes us realize that life can run you out of options really fast. One fine day you have everything, a good life, an unshakable support structure and all the goodness in the world, another moment you are struck by the realization that nothing was true.

A step towards something that makes utter sense to you, does contemplate a different entirety for someone else. The quantum of life has an entire proportion of itself dedicated to fucking up things. In other words, life just needs one single reason to change or sabotage everything up by changing one single rule or equation.

Have I lived a wrongful life? Did I do enough to justify myself and my actions? I ask myself this question every day. Some might call me self-righteous and some might call me moonstruck. But does it matter?

The decisions taken in a micro-second, the path I chose to walk upon, had led me to a constant state of regression. It stays with me, the form of a capital punishment that ends for everybody, stays with me and suffocates the life out of me, every day.

Am I living a lost cause? Did I wrong someone or an entire life? Was I this blind to see that the path I walked on was wrong and I kept on walking? Thinking maybe, I am right?

The places I visit, the things I do, the people I speak with and the operations I take care of, are all the things that don’t matter anymore.

God, oh why, I have this hole in my heart, I can’t fill. I cry out to myself, I dry my sins, I think of times, I was right, I was correct. Its all in my heart, the way I start, the things I do, the foes that go(es). Out in the open, I make no sense, though my heart and mind tell me to go on. I cry and fry myself within the said prims of the glory I once had that dissolved in my sins.

..the end of story…

A subject to question, a will to be lost,
the animation of life, ceased by the frost,

A well to dig, a cliff to climb,
every step getting harder, the soul doesn’t rhyme,

I hath oh had the will to carry,
It all made sense, not now, I just worry,

Rene, seeketh, all chaff, no glory,
all just seethe, it’s the end of story…